I have to get this off my chest

I read a discussion on facebook in a navy wife group that kind of irks me. Yes, the girl was venting. Yes, she had a point, but something I've learned over the past few months is that her point won't get her very far with other branches and civilians.

So here's what happened. She started a discussion because her cousin, who is an army wife, wasn't sympathizing with her over a deployment. The cousin said it was just the navy. Granted, the cousin shouldn't have said this, but I've learned all too well that when it comes to deployments, each branch sees the other branches deployments differently, and most don't consider a couple of months a "real" deployment.

Okay, so what irks me is that this has become a discussion from a cousin who doesn't act supportive to bashing wives from other branches because they just don't get it and they say mean things. How old are we, really? It's not branch hating. How are you really able to sit there and bash your cousin or your sister or whoever you're talking about and say how they aren't supportive and blah blah blah and call them branch haters, when in all reality, you're doing just the same?

In my past, I have dated guys who were army. My sister is married into the Army. The one guy I dated was deployed during our relationship. It was hard. Every day I panicked. I didn't know what was going on. At first it was just letters. I might get one a week. I might get one three weeks later. It was super stressful. The biggest mistake I've ever made happened with him. I really regret it, but only to the extent that I really hurt him and ruined something reall great, and if I could take it back and still be married to my husband, I would.

My point is that all deployments in the military are hard. I'm not saying any branch has it harder or easier than another branch. I honestly feel like I have an advantage. I don't have to send my husband off for a year or two years. I don't have to go weeks without hearing from him. Yes, he's always got dangers of pirates or the ship having problems with something exploding or sinking.

Army wives say goodbye for a year or more. They only get to see their husbands for 2 weeks in that amount of time. They learn to do it all alone. They learn to juggle work, parenting, getting their kids to school, practices, put their kids to bed, wake them up, get them bathed, dressed, etc. Their kids grow up without their fathers around for a year or so. For little ones, like my nephew, they don't remember who Daddy is. Daddy remembers that 7 month old. When he pictures his son, that's what he sees. His son is now 18 months old. He's walking, talking and potty training. He doesn't take a bottle anymore. He eats adult food. But to my brother in law, he still sleeps all the time. He still takes a bottle. He's barely even crawling.

Navy wives say goodbye for a couple of days or maybe a few months. They get to see their husband's when the ship pulls in at the pier. Sometimes, the ship pulls in for the weekend and then leaves again. Sometimes the ship comes in and is here for a few weeks, or months. Sometimes, the ship goes off to the ship yards for a while to be worked on. Navy wives still do all the things army wives do while the ship is gone. For the little ones, they have to adjust to Daddy coming and going. They usually remember who Daddy is. Daddy knows them as that 2 year old that they were when he left. When he returns, he's still that 2 year old, or maybe he just had his birthday and now he's 3, but he still hasn't gone from baby to toddler while he was gone.

Every branch has deployments. Every deployments is different. Every wife handles those deployments different. Every wife looks differently at the other branches deployments. To most army wives, we have it easy. To us, they aren't supportive. To us, civilians have it easy. To them, we aren't supportive. We get annoyed when civilians pout over their husbands or boyfriends being gone for a few days, but when we go to an army wife or a marine wife and say we so upset because our spouses are going to be gone for a 3 month deployment, they tend to tell us to suck it up and get over it. Really, we are doing to them like the civilians do to us.

So I'm sorry that I don't feel this girl's cousin wasn't entirely in the wrong. Yes, I feel she should be supportive. That's what military wives do, but to her, she was just slapped in the face by a pouty navy wife. To that army wife, she'd love her husband to be gone for 3 months instead of those 12 months or more, but instead of posting it all over facebook that your cousin didn't comfort you, look at it from her angle.

Our Military: The Next Best Thing to High School Drama

My husband is stressed severely. He's totally ready to be done with the Navy. I think he would enjoy it more, but the stress and drama are outrageous! He's an engineer. In his space, there's so much talk about what people did, who they did it with, why they did it, who's not doing their job, who's sleeping with who. It's ridiculous.

Here's an example. There are a couple new girls in the area where my husband works. At first, they seemed fine, but it was only a matter of weeks before that started to change. They're now flirting hard core with married men, and the sad fact is, the married men are flirting just a much in return. They give them rides home every day that they work together. They eat lunch with the on the ship. The wife of one of the guys said that her husband has been texted and has texted one of the girls. The sad fact is, the drama is high in that area, but it's talked about in other places on the ship.

If I heard that my husband was one of those married guys, I'd go off! I trust my husband, but there's still something very off about the whole story that the one wife is being told, and what I'm being told by my husband and a few others. I'd be really worried, and for her, I am.

The sad fact is, although these girls may be scandalous, I feel that the overly flirtacious husbands are more to blame than the girls. The guys should know when to stop. They should be able to put their foot down and say they're married and don't respect it. When my husband comes home and says he's requesting to move to a different space because he's uncomfortable with how these girls act, it's bad. He said he's lost all respect for those involved and even a little for those who stand there and let it happen. He's got a point. You can talk about how great your marriage is and even give advice on other people's marriage, but if you're so happy, why do you feel the need to flirt with another female?

One of the guys made a comment to me that made complete sense. Sure, they wouldn't be able to sleep around on the ship. People would notice they're missing, but when they're at a port or pierside at home, who can really say what's going on? Granted, no one has seen anything super over the top happen, but when they hit a port, who's really paying attention to what's going on with them?

So between lazy people not doing their job, losing respect for people who claim to live a happy life with a wife and kid(s), and still feel the need to flirt with their workers/co-workers, the drama, etc, he's done. He's already got the go ahead from another space to move on over, and he has another that wants him too. He said he's tired of doing work for everyone else. He's tired of getting yelled at by the one in charge of the space because one of the ones he's lost respect for told him to do a job.

I stand behind my husband. I also know for a fact that the one place he's trying to get to doesn't have the amount of drama, not even by half, that the place he currently is in has. I honestly hope he gets the request approved. I want him to do what he's good at, and that's fixing things. I want him to feel like he's worth it. I dont' want him to be held back because they can't get people other than him to do his job because one person wants to do nothing but clean and file paperwork and two others want to spend their day passing out orders and flirting with the new girls. I want him to go where he's truly appreciated and stands the change to move up for the right reasons, not because they think that will make him decide to stay.

I get his job is hard, but that doesn't mean he can't help me

I realize that being in the military is a tough and stressful job. I know that being gone all the time is probably hard. I know it's hard on those of us who are left behind. That doesn't mean you're any less responsible for the housework or the bills.

My husband is currently driving me crazy. I can clean the house, spend hours doing it, and he comes home and either trashes what I did get done, or he tells me that it's not good enough. I'm to the point where I'm protesting. I realize that I'm here more than he is, but I can't do it all, when I get no respect out of it in the end.

His mom does it. I should be able to do it too, right? No. I'm not wonder woman, and it's time for him to meet me halfway. I spent my entire day cleaning the house. Granted, it wasn't spotless by any means, but it was still a heck of alot better than it was, and in a matter of a couple hours, it was trashed again.

His idea of cleaning: drag the things out of the fridge or a room, because that might help me work on cleaning the fridge or that room, and then leave it there hoping I'll get the hint. Well, I'm sorry, but I'm not the damn maid. He lives here too, and if he's going to drag the shit out, the least he could do is finish what he started. I'm tried of trying to keep things clean when all he's going to do is drag crap out, leave trash laying around, have his friends over and trash the place after I worked 6-8 hours trying to get things clean.

I feel under appreciated. It can always be better. I dont' get a, "Hey, thanks! That looks nice." No. I busted my butt one day to get this house clean so that he could relax when he came home, and what do I get? "There's a belt on the couch. Why is there a DVD laying right there?"

I retaliated. He left his crap laying all over the kitchen after I spent two or three hours busting my butt to clean up the last mess he made. I threw it all in his "Man Cave" and left it there. I wanted him to know what if felt like to spend time cleaning a room and then having it trashed in a matter of a few minutes.

I'm currently watching my sister's dog. He likes to pee on things and crap in places. Granted, it ticks me off. My husband goes off and threatens to kill the dog. He's not joking, which ticks me off even more. My sister's dog does that, and all hell breaks lose, but it's okay for his dog to hump the couch and leave stains all over it? Really? Really. The dog is 150 pounds. My sister's dog is 15 pounds. It's really frustrating.

I'm done cleaning until he can respect that I bust my butt to get this house clean. We have a semi-annual inspection coming up with our landlords. I'm embarassed to have them come in here. The sad fact is that I'll be the one cleaning up the mess, again. My parents came to visit this weekend, and I'm ashamed to have them over. I was never allowed to live like this. Neither was he. His mommy did everything for him, and now I can't get him to do it himself. He takes me for granted and that's still not enough. I don't think I'm being unreasonable. I'm to the point where enough is enough.