Thursday, July 29, 2010

Meeting New Wives

Today, if everything goes right, I'm going to meet a new wife from my husband's ship. I'm super excited! I've talked to her on Facebook and through text messages, but never met her in person. She's new to Hampton Roads, and she happened to come at a time when the ship's schedule was hectic.

I know a few people around here. Ironically, most of the military wives I've met that I actually feel like I click with are from facebook. I mean, I feel a click with the other wives too, but to feel a true connection like the friends I had back home, it's the ladies of facebook that give me that feeling.

My friends back home don't make me feel judged in the slightest bit. I can turn to them with any problem, regardless of how personal it is, and not have to worry about it being spread all over. They're there in a heartbeat when I need them. They're always willing to help out with anything. Some of the wives I've met here aren't like that. Sure, they try to be, but I don't know how much I can trust them.

Have you ever met someone that you felt like you had a connection with? Like, you just met them, and suddenly, you feel like you could trust them with anything? I've only met a couple face-to-face down here that I feel that way about, which is sad, but true. I have a feeling the wife that I'm possibly going to meet today is just like that. I honestly hope so.

Don't get me wrong, my friends back home will never lose their titles as best friends, but I'm hoping today I make a new best friend right here in Hampton Roads that I can share things with who will fully understand what I'm going through when it comes to the military and their b.s. My fingers are crossed...

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Our Military: The Next Best Thing to High School Drama

My husband is stressed severely. He's totally ready to be done with the Navy. I think he would enjoy it more, but the stress and drama are outrageous! He's an engineer. In his space, there's so much talk about what people did, who they did it with, why they did it, who's not doing their job, who's sleeping with who. It's ridiculous.

Here's an example. There are a couple new girls in the area where my husband works. At first, they seemed fine, but it was only a matter of weeks before that started to change. They're now flirting hard core with married men, and the sad fact is, the married men are flirting just a much in return. They give them rides home every day that they work together. They eat lunch with the on the ship. The wife of one of the guys said that her husband has been texted and has texted one of the girls. The sad fact is, the drama is high in that area, but it's talked about in other places on the ship.

If I heard that my husband was one of those married guys, I'd go off! I trust my husband, but there's still something very off about the whole story that the one wife is being told, and what I'm being told by my husband and a few others. I'd be really worried, and for her, I am.

The sad fact is, although these girls may be scandalous, I feel that the overly flirtacious husbands are more to blame than the girls. The guys should know when to stop. They should be able to put their foot down and say they're married and don't respect it. When my husband comes home and says he's requesting to move to a different space because he's uncomfortable with how these girls act, it's bad. He said he's lost all respect for those involved and even a little for those who stand there and let it happen. He's got a point. You can talk about how great your marriage is and even give advice on other people's marriage, but if you're so happy, why do you feel the need to flirt with another female?

One of the guys made a comment to me that made complete sense. Sure, they wouldn't be able to sleep around on the ship. People would notice they're missing, but when they're at a port or pierside at home, who can really say what's going on? Granted, no one has seen anything super over the top happen, but when they hit a port, who's really paying attention to what's going on with them?

So between lazy people not doing their job, losing respect for people who claim to live a happy life with a wife and kid(s), and still feel the need to flirt with their workers/co-workers, the drama, etc, he's done. He's already got the go ahead from another space to move on over, and he has another that wants him too. He said he's tired of doing work for everyone else. He's tired of getting yelled at by the one in charge of the space because one of the ones he's lost respect for told him to do a job.

I stand behind my husband. I also know for a fact that the one place he's trying to get to doesn't have the amount of drama, not even by half, that the place he currently is in has. I honestly hope he gets the request approved. I want him to do what he's good at, and that's fixing things. I want him to feel like he's worth it. I dont' want him to be held back because they can't get people other than him to do his job because one person wants to do nothing but clean and file paperwork and two others want to spend their day passing out orders and flirting with the new girls. I want him to go where he's truly appreciated and stands the change to move up for the right reasons, not because they think that will make him decide to stay.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

I get his job is hard, but that doesn't mean he can't help me

I realize that being in the military is a tough and stressful job. I know that being gone all the time is probably hard. I know it's hard on those of us who are left behind. That doesn't mean you're any less responsible for the housework or the bills.

My husband is currently driving me crazy. I can clean the house, spend hours doing it, and he comes home and either trashes what I did get done, or he tells me that it's not good enough. I'm to the point where I'm protesting. I realize that I'm here more than he is, but I can't do it all, when I get no respect out of it in the end.

His mom does it. I should be able to do it too, right? No. I'm not wonder woman, and it's time for him to meet me halfway. I spent my entire day cleaning the house. Granted, it wasn't spotless by any means, but it was still a heck of alot better than it was, and in a matter of a couple hours, it was trashed again.

His idea of cleaning: drag the things out of the fridge or a room, because that might help me work on cleaning the fridge or that room, and then leave it there hoping I'll get the hint. Well, I'm sorry, but I'm not the damn maid. He lives here too, and if he's going to drag the shit out, the least he could do is finish what he started. I'm tried of trying to keep things clean when all he's going to do is drag crap out, leave trash laying around, have his friends over and trash the place after I worked 6-8 hours trying to get things clean.

I feel under appreciated. It can always be better. I dont' get a, "Hey, thanks! That looks nice." No. I busted my butt one day to get this house clean so that he could relax when he came home, and what do I get? "There's a belt on the couch. Why is there a DVD laying right there?"

I retaliated. He left his crap laying all over the kitchen after I spent two or three hours busting my butt to clean up the last mess he made. I threw it all in his "Man Cave" and left it there. I wanted him to know what if felt like to spend time cleaning a room and then having it trashed in a matter of a few minutes.

I'm currently watching my sister's dog. He likes to pee on things and crap in places. Granted, it ticks me off. My husband goes off and threatens to kill the dog. He's not joking, which ticks me off even more. My sister's dog does that, and all hell breaks lose, but it's okay for his dog to hump the couch and leave stains all over it? Really? Really. The dog is 150 pounds. My sister's dog is 15 pounds. It's really frustrating.

I'm done cleaning until he can respect that I bust my butt to get this house clean. We have a semi-annual inspection coming up with our landlords. I'm embarassed to have them come in here. The sad fact is that I'll be the one cleaning up the mess, again. My parents came to visit this weekend, and I'm ashamed to have them over. I was never allowed to live like this. Neither was he. His mommy did everything for him, and now I can't get him to do it himself. He takes me for granted and that's still not enough. I don't think I'm being unreasonable. I'm to the point where enough is enough.

Friday, July 16, 2010

Trying to Understand the Hype

So I've come across several ladies who strike me as desperate to be a military spouse. One even told me it's her "destiny." I realize that they have military family members, or maybe they were a military brat growing up, but when they're 18 or 19 and they feel it's their calling, I think they're crazy.
The way I see it, being a military spouse isn't a calling. Being a service member is a calling. You dream of being a banker, doctor, lawyer, mother, father, etc. If you dream of the day you'll be a military spouse, and that's all you can think of, or your life revolves around rushing out and marrying a service member, then you're crazy. You are the reason the rest of us have a bad reputation as a military wife.
The ladies who marry into the military at a really young age, mainly the ones fresh out of high school, are the ones who later realize that they didn't get the time to transition between gradution from high school and being an adult. They jump into their marriage so fast that it practically spits them back out. They realize that they really didn't know what they got themselves into.
Military life is hard. The spouses are constantly coming and going. The wives/husbands that are left behind have to help transition the kids, pay the bills, clean the house, work, run the errands, take the kids to school/sporting events, etc. It's not all about being a military wife.
For those of you who feel that it's so different and boring being a civilian wife, let me put things in perspective. There's no difference in the day to day life. The only real differences are that your spouse is gone all the time, you can't move where you want to move to, you can't take a family vacation when and where you want. You begin to understand that most of your time, you're single. You do everything like a single person when your spouse is gone.
For those ladies who feel it's they're calling, understand that there is no such thing as a calling. Face it, if something happened tomorrow and you lost out on that chance to be a military spouse or girlfriend with your current boyfriend or husband, you'd try to find someone else to help make that "dream" a reality. It's the girls like you who end up feeling like your trapped. You end up being unfaithful to your spouse and make a name for the rest of us who don't deserve it.
Now, I'm not lashing out. I'm just hoping that someone takes into account for the fact that it's a hard life. It's not all the glory. I just get frustrated with the ladies who feel that they have to rush out and marry a military guy, and if things fall apart, then they move on to the next. I can tell you right now, most of these ladies want the "glorified" title and the benefits, but in the end, they are the ones who give us the bad reputation and tarnish that title.